Manifesttly Unimportant Numbers

To: Jeffrey Williams, President, Amalgamated

Subject: Manifestly Unimportant Numbers

It is getting toward the end of the year and a summary of what is happening here in our organization is appropriate. We had high hopes that some of the things we've been working on would straighten themselves out but it doesn't look as if that will be the case.

First it apears that the business may lose its favorable bond rating. Our Comptroller left the organization for the Canary Islands, and we are missing substantial amounts of money in bonds and equities.

It further appears that our plan of giving money to selected politicians is illegal and the local press has managed to find out about it.

Apparently one of our divisions has dumped considerable amounts of waste products in ten different rivers, and the Department of Environmental Quality and Department of Justice will make a joint announcement on the penalty very shortly.

Our engineering department is now talking to representatives of the EEOC in an effort to avoid charges of discrimination.

You may remember Annabell Jones. (How could you forget Annabel Jones?) She has filed a sexual harrassment suit against two of our middle managers.

We, of course, have faced adversities before, but we believe we will overcome these and drive on to bigger and better things in the years to come.

Sincerely,


Alex DuBest, Manager

PS Before you have a seizure I want you to know that none of the above has happened. What has happened is that our sales are 10 per cent below objective, and we wanted you to realize that, in view of what could have happened, these numbers are manifestly unimportant.


Excerpt from Laughing Nine to Five