Utah on Four Day Workweek

Energy costs have pushed Utah to move to a four day workweek. The governor's office estimate

that 1,000 of 3,000 state buildings will be closed on Fridays cutting energy costs by about 20 percent.

Governor Jon Huntsman announced the working 4 day initiative. Beginning in August, state government service hours will be extended from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Thursday. 

"We live in a dynamic, ever changing environment and it's crucial that we take a serious look at how we can adapt and maintain our state's unparalleled quality of life" said Huntsman in a statement about the program.

Editor's note: This also solves another Friday problem.  Employees will no longer be coming to work in scandalous clothing to celebrate Casual Fridays. 

The Answer Person

This formula made popular by the late Steve Allen has been used by other entertainers. We've come up with answers. All you need to do is think of questions that might fit the bill.

Following are some answers and in parenthesis some potential answers. My guess is that your answers are better than mine.

They don't like change. (Why do people like dollar bills?)

Just to do it. (Why do people jog?)

Hemlines are subject to change. (When will we get a raise?)

Disposal Diapers. (What smells bad and never goes away?)

Limit books to ten chapters. (How can publishers avoid chapter 11?)

Avoid hangups (How can we improve telemarketing?)

That's how the cookie crumbles. (What happens when you save money on ingredients?)

Just in Time (When do you think you will get married?)

We're on a roll. (When can we get more toilet tissue?)

They get hangovers. (What happens when managers tighten their belts?)



(Excertpt from Laughing Nine to Five.)

Bicycles, Sweat, and Showers

We are pleased to note that many employees are biking to work. However this is not without problems.

Although a real plus from an energy standpoint this has resulted in a heavy usage on company showers.  As a result of long lines, many employees end up being late to work. (One obvious requirement here is for employees to plan their bike and shower time appropriately,)

Adding additional showers is cost prohibitive.  One suggestion is that we double up---taking showers together. This innovative idea is now under consideration by management. 

Another suggestion is that employees shower every other day----using the last digit of their social security number---odd numbers on Monday, even on Tuesday...and so on. This has possibilities as long as employees remain in their cubicles on days they don't shower. (Office restrictions on the use of perfume and deodorant won't apply on those days.)

As a final note management will facilitate movement  by turning off the associated water heaters which will limit time in the showers and cut down our energy costs. This will also  get people back to work on time.

Who Do You Know in High Places?

Here are the responses from students in my Humor in the Workplace class:

God

My CEO (who thinks he is)

Chet. He has an office upstairs. 

My fried Doug used to live on the 8th floor of an apartment building. He moved so I don't know anyone now.

My mom lives on Mt. Hood.

Being a groundskeeper I insist on staying on the ground. 

Some people in the housing authority.

My boy friend is 6'5". (Does that count?)

My fellow worker knows the vice-president's wife which scares our boss.

Copy Machine Useage

One of the exercises in our Humor in the Workplace class*  is to write a memo using humor as a device.  Here's one from Jennifer:

"To All Employees:

It is strictly prohibited to photo copy your fanny on the corporate copy machine. Anyone caught sitting on the glass will be fired immediately.

Today while I was making copies of the board meeting packet a photocopy of someone's tush got collated in the middle of the packet without me catching it. As a result, page 19 of the board packet was a picture of someone's paisley underwear. I can assure you that the board was not amused.

In order to keep this horrible act from happening again, I have asked the copy machine to place an alarm on the glass that detects items weighing more than a piece of paper. If you are the one who thinks it's funny to make lewd copies, you will be caught. A loud siren will be heard throughout the building letting everyone know what you are doing. 

If you have any questions see me immediately. Don't be caught with your pants down."

*(Actual courses taught on line at Portland (OR) Community College and Clark College (Vancouver WA)

Grave Humor

Humor exists everywhere. Witness this story told by Dr. Joel Goodman:

A businessman ordered flowers to be sent to the opening of his friend's new branch office. When the businessman got there, he was delighted to see a beautiful floral arrangement. However, he was more than distressed when he read the card that had accompanied the flowers----it read "Rest in Peace."

He made a beeline to the flower shop and immediately started chewing out the florist.  

After the shouting had subsided, the florist reassured him by saying, "Hey don't worry! Just think...some where today in this city, someone was buried beneath some flowers that read, 'Good luck in your new location!'"

(Excerpt from Laughing Nine to Five)

Oil Change Coming!

To All Employees:

Before we announce a forthcoming major change we want to review with you  some characteristic ways people in our organization have responded to change in the past.  Consider if you have been fighting change in one or all of the following ways:

• You're trying to slow things down
• You're working hard to control the uncontrollable
• You're playing the role of victim
• You're hoping someone else can make things better for you
• You're ducking new assignments
• You're absolutely paralyzed like a deer in the headlights

We thought it wise to have you review these before the next change so that you can eliminate these from your thinking.  And now to the change:

Effective July 1st all plastic knifes, forks, spoons, plates, and cups will be eliminated in all company eating areas.  They will be replaced by normal cutlery and china.

This will be a major effort in our energy program i.e.  eliminating products made with oil.

Management

Solving the Listening Problem

Management consultants tell us that we must do a better job of listening to our employees. They feel that employees  have a better handle on what customers are saying or thinking.  They emphasize listening  actively rather than passively.  Managers should drop what they are doing and pay attention.

When reviewing these findings with managers they say it sounds good but in the real world it is not practical.  They believe they are too busy putting out fires and meeting due dates and supervising employees.  There is of course a good amount of truth to what they are saying.

We have given much thought to this and believe we have a solution that will work for managers and employees.   We are ordering 50 suggestion boxes that will be placed near copy machines, rest rooms, cafeterias, and  water fountains.  To distinguish between other boxes, waste baskets, etc.  they will be distinctive. They will be painted red.

Employees should type their suggestions---preferably double spaced---and leave them in the convenient suggestion boxes.  There is one caveat:  If your suggestions  go beyond one page do not use staples or paper clips.  This causes problems for our paper shredder.

(An added thought from our environmental group: Do not use colored paper. Some colors are not bio-degradable.)