"To All Employees:
It is strictly prohibited to photo copy your fanny on the corporate copy machine. Anyone caught sitting on the glass will be fired immediately.
Today while I was making copies of the board meeting packet a photocopy of someone's tush got collated in the middle of the packet without me catching it. As a result, page 19 of the board packet was a picture of someone's paisley underwear. I can assure you that the board was not amused.
In order to keep this horrible act from happening again, I have asked the copy machine to place an alarm on the glass that detects items weighing more than a piece of paper. If you are the one who thinks it's funny to make lewd copies, you will be caught. A loud siren will be heard throughout the building letting everyone know what you are doing.
If you have any questions see me immediately. Don't be caught with your pants down."
*(Actual courses taught on line at Portland (OR) Community College and Clark College (Vancouver WA)
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